Saturday, November 27, 2010

#106 Black Double-Breasted Pea Coats

In cool-climate white Christian churches during winter months, you can expect the coat racks to be jam packed with black double-breasted pea coats. There may be a few reds, greens, yellows, or even single breasted coats, but these coat wearers are frankly ridiculous.

Navy blue or silver coats are acceptable- but barely. The simple fact is that the vast majority of White Christians like their exterior winter garments like they like their gospel singers: black and double breasted.

Unfortunately for the coats, every white Christian church has a dysfunctional coat storage system. Back in 1972, the church maintenance guy was charged with purchasing coat racks and/or hangers for the temporary coat-storing needs of the congregation. Being a visionary leader, this man planned on having a maximum of 20 people come to church on any given Sunday. Now, with a church population in the hundreds (or thousands), a coat-soiling game of russian roulette takes place. Miraculously, the 20 coat rack is maximized, and the first hundred congregants are able to store their black double-breasted pea coats in a "just jam it in there" haphazard manner.

With a nod to the Netherlands'
public bicycle program, there is no need to fear that their coat will be stolen... because there is no motivation to steal. Since the white Christian coat market has been saturated and everyone already has their own black double-breasted pea coat, any temptation to steal has been suppressed.

The black double-breasted pea coat is the white Christian's best guess as to the earthly version of a heavenly choir robe. They're unisex, simple, stylish, and timeless. An 80 year old woman and a 13 year old girl could wear the same coat to church, and not think anything of it. What other article of clothing can make such a bold claim?


anna said...

...except with no way to distinguish one coat form another, its almost inevitable that you go home with someone else's coat

coat rack said...

To Anna: I agree with you:)