White Christians are masters of ingenuity. Since small church properties typically confine capital expansion plans, and stewardship limits capital expenditures, white Christians get creative with their worship facilities.
With several needs crammed into a one-size-fits-all facility, white Christians have concocted the Cafegymatorium. The platypus of church spaces, the Cafegymatorium is half cafeteria, half gymnasium, and half alternative worship space. Instead of doing one thing well, the Cafegymatorium does three things poorly.
The "Gymnasium" is too small for an actual game of basketball and the carpeted floors (and/or walls) virtually guarantee floor burn during overly competitive athletic contests. Why carpeted walls, you might wonder? Because white Christian adults know that the youth pastor allows the youth group to get so hyper in this space that they "bounce off the walls." Putting up some carpet allows for the covenant kids to literally accomplish this feat.
Any luncheon within a 500 foot radius of the church is contractually obligated to take place in the cafegymatorium. This would seem to make sense, but the combination of carpeted floors and volunteer labor ensures improper food clean-up. The leftover food particles of a hundred potlucks are deeply embedded into the carpet's tight weave.
The cafegymatorium's stage allows for experimentation with alternative worship experiences. Any new or non-traditional format of worship is always relegated to trials in the cafegymatorium. Cermonies in this space typically rock relatively hard, despite the noise cancellation that carpet should provide. More echo-chamber than sanctuary, worship in the cafegymatorium generates decibel levels approaching that of a jet engine.
Despite all of its short-comings, the young and the young-at-heart revere the cafegymatorium as perhaps the best space on church property. High School boys will play various intensly contested sports within this space (all of them eventually digressing into dodgeball), and afterward rejoin the youth group worship service reaking anew with the sweat of the Spirit.