Saturday, June 12, 2010

#82 World Cup Evangelism

Unless you're an American, it goes without saying that the World Cup is a global phenomenon. Nearly a billion people will watch 2010 World Cup games on television, and over 3 million viewers will watch the games in person.

Whenever this many people care this much about anything, white Christians look to piggyback onto their passion with a good ol' fashion salvation message. In World Cup/Mission Trip mode, they'll frequently call this effort something like, "Kickin' for the Kingdom: World Cup 2010."

Every 4 years, American white Christians pretend to care about "the beautiful game" in order to use this global gathering as an evangelism opportunity. Unfortunately, their complete lack of knowledge about any current players or anything about sport in general instantly renders most conversion conversations with crazed fans moot.

As an attendee of the World Cup, if you see an American white Christian wearing a recently purchased replica soccer jersey and holding a Bible, be cautious in approaching this white Christian. He will joke that in American "fĂștbol," everyone can use their hands. This will naturally transition into how goalies use their hands to save their team. The topics of hands and saves having recently been brought up, the savvy white Christian will transition seamlessly into a conversation about a different type of "Savior" who used his hands to save the world. This entire monologue will have taken place assuming that you speak English.

With a Bible in one hand and a John 3:16 poster in the other, this rainbow-wigged white Christian will have additional key identification signs. It is likely that this white Christian will be attempting to set up games of street soccer in an attempt to draw the interest of children. Amidst any actual competition, this white Christian will also be toe-poking every soccer ball that comes their way with basketball shoes because that's the closest thing to soccer attire that they could find on short notice before they journeyed on this mission trip. Another key indicator- every American white Christian will cite Pelé as their favorite current player- not realizing that "the King of Football" stopped playing in 1977.


Luther Zwingli said...

While you're in the mood for world cup +humor, check these out:Stuff White People Like

The Onion Sports Introduction to the World Cup

SteveC said...

I had a friend who did this in France a few years back. Between the drunk English hooligans and the militant French Muslims (who physically assaulted him and his team members more than once), he had a pretty rough go of it.

Library Lady said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Library Lady said...

I was in London the day the U.S. played the Brits in the WC.

It was THE talk of the town. "Are you watching THE game?" "Did you see THE game?", ad nauseum. I finally had to ask, "What game?" People looked at me as if I had three heads, instead of my usual two.

I was so NOT interested -- I took a tour to Salisbury, Bath, and Stonehenge instead. The cathedral experience in Salisbury was further enhanced by a choral rehearsal taking place avec a lovely pipe organ.

Tres marvelous!

I didn't know Pele was no longer playing soccer...bummer. Just where did the 70s go to?

Kristen said...

This made me laugh so hard! Thank you for your satirical sense of humor...I look forward to reading many more posts!

Pabbs said...

I must tell you that everything you said is true way beyond humor. I took part in an outreach in the 2006 World Cup with a mission organization and while the majority wasn't White American Christians, they were there and it wasn't pretty... I come from a football crazy nation and I can actually play and talk football (only Americans call it soccer...) and it was an amazing opportunity to share the gospel with people from many nations in the same spot. So don't loose heart, just come better prepared! And ditch that Brazilian soccer jumper is you are not Brazilian, people will expect you to play and you know what happens then...