Saturday, May 22, 2010

#79 Home Church

Many white Christians choose to home school their children. The next logical step toward complete domination over their children's upbringing is home church. By avoiding any and all interaction with "outsiders," white Christian parents can ensure that their kids reach adulthood completely unaware of differing views.

A self-proclaimed, non-ordained pastor/dad typically leads the family and the worship services. As opposed to regular churches that follow specific doctrines, this pastor just preaches "straight from the Bible." Because this quasi-clergyman is intimately involved in the lives of his congregation/family, the sermons can be tailored specifically to the needs of those in attendance - such as sermons about the evils of taking super long showers when someone is waiting to use the bathroom.

White Christians crave authenticity and since early Christians met in homes, home church is automatically a much more genuine worship experience. An added bonus: if white Christians can manage to work from home in addition to home schooling and home churching, they will never have any need to change out of their pajamas.


Al said...

And don't forget where the tithe can go!

Luther Zwingli said...

i love the choice of the "anytown usa" pic.

Library Lady said...

Amazingly good stuff. Loved the comment about the tithe. Now what about all the "love offerings" that pour in? Who gets those?

And who is the "guest preacher" if dad is out/ill?

Thanks for another humorous look at ourselves.

Library Lady said...

P.S. Loved the picture of the house complete with Old Glory.

I'm sure that's covered in the home-schooler's social studies curriculum. (Right.)

Rev. Billy Bob Jimmy Pat said...

And this is wrong why?