Saturday, May 1, 2010

#76 Trips to the Holyland

If you're a sports fan, you can only watch so many games on TV before you want to go to the arena and see your team live and in person. That's exactly why so many white Christians save up their non-tithed money to purchase a trip to the Big Show- the Holyland.

There's really nothing like the Holyland. Where else could you see a mosque that's built on top of a church that's built on top of a synagogue (and likely another mosque)?

White Christians touch down in the Holyland armed with the desire for a life-changing experience and to walk where Jesus walked. These Judah journeymen hike, read, and sweat their way through the settings of many a Bible story. Mandatory traveling companions include: a loved one, a canteen, a Bible, a journal, and several water-tight plastic vials to harvest some holy water. If even one vial of authentic Holyland holy water can make it home safely, the next newborn in that extended family is sure to be baptized with some of En Gedi's finest. It certainly beats those sweatshop vials that Benny Hinn pimps on his telethons.

Those without the financial means to physically encounter the Show firsthand have no doubt lived vicariously through their favorite Reformed Rabbi, Ray Vander Laan. Rabbi Ray's "That the World May Know" video series is standard issue for white Christian adult education classes. It takes a video walk through the Holyland. Hardcore white Christians own the entire series on VHS.

It's unfortunate for many of today's passport punching prayer warriors that the cradle of civilization, and the home of three of the world's major religions didn't occur on a plot of land that is a little more resort friendly, and a little less apocalyptic. It's not uncommon for Holyland trips to be cancelled at the last minute due to some "unresolved political conflict" between a few of the countries in the area. We're not really sure what they're fighting about, but here's hoping they figure it out real soon!

4 comments:

Abraham Calvin said...

I always feel for all the kids in the Ray Vander Laan videos whose awkward phase will be on display for thousands of white Christians everywhere for decades. That and all the guys with fanny packs.

Predestined said...

This one is seriously funny with a serious feel to it. It appears not to be comical. I love it!

Library Lady said...

Love the alliteration:

"...passport punching prayer warriors..."

What a great topic. Can't wait for #76.

Anonymous said...

There is more to see than in Cleveland at the Rock and Roll hall of fame (the "other" pilgrimage)... and it's safer than Cleveland.