Saturday, April 24, 2010

#75 The Correct Version of the Bible


If there's one thing white Christians are sure of, it's that the correct version of the Bible is much better than all the other versions. The correct version accurately translates the word of God into English, while all others either fall woefully short or are down right heretical. Although the Bible includes Hebrew and Greek idioms that do not translate into English, it is without doubt that the translators of the correct version have chosen the very parallel expressions that would be favored by the original writer.

The correct version of the Bible is and shall always be the best translation, its perfection will never be surpassed by any future versions. The main reason for this is definitely not that white Christians have spent hundreds of hours memorizing Bible verses in this translation and would hate to have to start all over, but completely due to the flawlessness of the correct version.

Because the superiority of the correct version is so pronounced, the white Christian who is given a copy of one of the wrong versions of the Bible finds himself in quite the predicament. This Bible is useless to him for teaching and rebuking, but he can't give it away, lest he corrupt the beneficiary. You can't throw away a Bible (even one of dubious authenticity), so this white Christian will be forced to keep it hidden away from all impressionable souls in a cardboard box in the basement.

14 comments:

Kathy said...

And, of course, the CORRECT version is the one that the white Christian has chosen as his/her favorite, and all the other versions are just plain wrong!

Great post.

Al said...

It's a shame, really, that THE right version isn't a bit more obvious to everyone else. Then we wouldn't have so many different theologies and practices masquerading as correct versions of the faith. If everyone else followed the CORRECT version (as, of course, I do,) then there wouldn't be all this bickering about prophecy, lifestyle, etc.

And, we would all agree on which are the obvious verses to be taken literally, and which ones we would be allowed to take as metaphorical/allegorical.

You'd think that God would have made it a bit more obvious--like inspiring the translators of the right version to name it appropriately--The Correct Version. Kind of has a nice ring to it, the TCV Bible. Ahh, I guess I can always dream.

John H said...

Kathy to these people there is no choice. Many of them think the Bible, Old and New Testament, was written in Elizabethan English. The preachers know it was written in Hebrew and Greek but they do not seem to transmit that information very well. It would interfere with the idea that every word is literally true. Yes I knows some read the NIV but around here it seems to be King James all the way.

Luther Zwingli said...

NIV = "Not Improvable Version"?

Al said...

It doesn't have to be 500 years old, or even the 'Nearly Inspired Version' in order to be more important than God himself.

All it has to be is someone's dearly held interpretation, and it wouldn't help if God or an angel from heaven showed up and showed you that you were totally missing the point. There still would be people preaching against something or someone that God actually loves.

Luther Zwingli said...

... by the way, don't you think it's weird that LeBron James has his own version of the Bible?

Library Lady said...

Great post. Yes, TCV, everybody's favorite version AND The Authenic Version, or TAV.
I always know when Someone does not use TCV or TAV because that Someone is spouting scriptures incorrectly, i.e., not the say I learned them from TCV.

Keep up the great writing. This is a blog I always check first thing Monday morning -- so as not to profane the Sabbath. Heh, heh.

Library Lady in Fort Worth
Visit my blog at
http://bkkscholl.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that the words of Jesus MUST be in red ink. Otherwise, it is not a REAL bible.
Julie

Audrey said...

Haha oh this is awesome :) It's true too.. My favorite is when the correct version is king james, because it surely delivers a perfect translation.

Anonymous said...

The correct version is obviously the ESV. It's called the "Extra Special Version" for a reason- it's the divinely inspired translation. And until the English language changes to the point where too many words don't mean the same thing anymore, it will continue to be the correct version.

Anonymous said...

I recently heard a KJV advocate refer, mid-sermon of course, to the NIV as the "Nearly Inspired Version". A nice way of saying "Thou art wrong".

Anonymous said...

Get ye gone, Nearly Infallible Version! I want the Extremely Snobby Version! I'd be really academic and go for the Not Really Suitable Version, but I don't like the glares I get...

Anonymous said...

My version is the best version, and so can you!

Bob said...

I use three different translations for different purposes.

For poetry I use the NKJV, as it is the most poetic, and the language is easy enough to read fluidly.

For narrative I use the NIV, as it has the most fluid storytelling.

For teaching I use the ESV, as it is the most academic in nature.