Saturday, March 13, 2010

#69 Sign Language Girls

A curious mutation in deaf ministries has evolved into white Christians' infatuation with sign language girls.

With church services having increased time and emphasis on praise music, the deaf in the congregation had been left in the cold- the lonely, silent, music-less cold. White Christians naturally determined that the deaf needed a ministry that would allow them to worship along with those who could hear. Enter: sign language girls.

These demonstrative divas are the visible embodiment of the previously invisible praise music. Not only do sign language girls enable the deaf to participate in worship, but they allow white Christians who are uncomfortable motioning during more peppy praise songs to motion vicariously through these lovely ladies. Curiously, while the sign language girls will freely sign during praise music, they don't sign during the sermon. Sorry deaf people- now you can "hear" the songs, but not the sermon.

Sign language performances are limited exclusively to females who genetically possess the rhythmic, interpretive gesturing ability that most white Christian men sorely lack. Besides-white Christians of both genders would much rather look at women at the front of their church. You will never see a man signing at the front of a white Christian church.

The most advanced white Christian churches will have an American Sign Language certified sign language girl on retainer for special worship services and praise music experiences.

1 comment:

Chad Smith said...

Actually, I've been to several churches that had ASL interpreters. Not one of them had translation for songs only. There was always a translator during the message. Not only that - one of the churches had as many male interpreters as female - or close to it. I didn't keep count exactly.