Saturday, February 20, 2010

#66* Numeric Symbolism

One of the most important goals of white Christians is to have superior knowledge of the Bible as compared to their fellow believers. To gain an edge on those who merely read the most popular passages, many white Christians will become experts on the Bible's numeric symbolism.

Unfortunately, almost every number up to one hundred has some sort of spiritual meaning, making memorization quite difficult. Also, the application of this spiritual meaning easily devolves into semi-mystical obsession. The white Christian who embraces numeric symbolism soon finds himself trying to determine the exact location of the Garden of Eden by counting the verses in Lamentations and plugging the corresponding coordinates into his GPS.

Numerical symbolism is as close as white Christians get to superstition. They have no problem with walking under a ladder on Friday the 13th or smashing mirrors on black cats, but if a particular business is located at 666 Main Street they will avoid it like "Gay Days" at Disney World.

*We were going to skip post #66 for obvious reasons (that whole "number of the beast" thing), but if we simply went to post #67, we knew that our astute readers - like hotel patrons on the 14th floor who know which floor they're really on- would know the difference.

5 comments:

Luther Zwingli said...

I've always thought that American football is a great example of a sport taking advantage of numeric symbolism. Field Goals are worth 3 (the Trinity) points, and a touchdown w/ extra point is worth 7 (the number of perfection).

Paul Wilkinson said...

Oh, the numbers we carry around in our heads. Like every time the clock says 8:28 (Romans) or 3:16 (John) or 6:33 (Matthew). I think my brain is going to explode!

Anonymous said...

I am proud to be the third comment. Evidence that I am perfect.

ChuckEastNashville said...

When do we get to numeric symbolism's friend: playing records backwards to find hidden messages?

Anonymous said...

Funny story... My old youth minister had his honeymoon at Disney world. They didn't know that they planned it during that week. hahaha