Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
As a visitor, you can prepare to be welcomed upwards of 50+ times in both formal and informal settings. Even before sitting down for the actual service, your hand will ache from navigating the carpal-pumping mine field of elated white Christians, each lined up and eager to happily and aggressively greet the new-comer.
Upon starting the service, the speaker will formally welcome you (in case anyone missed informally welcoming you), and encourage you to fill out an informational piece of some kind (frequently with golf pencils) that will enable the white Christians to follow-up on your visit. Following up is a sort of white Christian "future-welcome". You will then likely be invited to check out the information rack/table/booth after the service, and then to join someone for post-worship refreshments, or even Sunday dinner. Don't be frightened by any of these actions, they are completely normal- the white Christians are just really happy that you have joined them.
After brief announcements, the congregation will all stand up at the same time and start shaking your hand again. Don't be alarmed- they're simply greeting you (and each other) again. This familiarizes the white Christians with the people that are around them.
Editor's Note: if you're visiting this blog, we'd really like thank you for joining us, and we'd like to formally welcome you. We're not after your money or anything like that. In fact, we would just ask that you sign your name on the comments section, tell your friends about this blog, or join the SWCL Facebook group, and let that be your gift to us. Thank you again for joining us. We hope that you'll be back again soon!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
If it's true that white people like coffee, then it's definitely true that white Christians like coffee-themed ministry. This like of coffee ministry expresses itself in three key forms:
Coffee break ministry. White Christian women love coffee break. It involves the two things that every white Christian mom has earned: coffee, and a break. The glorious juxtaposition of relaxation and caffeination culminates at the intersection of coffee break, Bible study, and free child care.
Coffee after church. Sometimes referred to exclusively as "fellowship," coffee after church is only a portion of a broader white Christian like that will be addressed on this blog at a later point: post-worship refreshments. Coffee after church enables a much-needed "pick-me up" for many white Christians in the post-worship mode. It also enables white Christians to greet each other without touching. Physical touch is something of an enigma to white Christians- expert-level white Christians love it, and greet each other with a "holy kiss" (or at the very least a longer-than-normal/comfortable "holy hug") while others are locked into exclusively shaking hands (see "greeters"). The coffee drinking white Christian, however, needs only to raise a white styrofoam cup of Joe and a friendly eye-brow to say "hello." All this while being refreshed and energized- what a beverage!
Coffee shops actually inside churches with Christian/Coffee based names. This is a more recent development for white Christians, but this evolution was inevitable. Any day that Christianity, commerce, creativity, and coffee can be combined is a banner day for the white Christian. Store names like "The Overflowing Cup," "Jehovah Java," or "Holy Grounds," will stimulate the pun-lobe of the white Christian's mind, then fill the coffee-shaped hole in the white Christian's heart.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
In addition, "non-denom" or "community" churches are more fun: the theology you are getting from the pulpit could be in the Reformed or Arminian tradition, or maybe something newer and more exciting that your young, dynamic pastor just thought up. Why build the foundation of your church on the likes of Calvin or Arminius when you could base it on the oscillating theology of your hip pastor?
Non-denominational churches are so popular that many churches that actually belong to a denomination will drop the denomination from their name. For example, Springfield Christian Reformed Church becomes Springfield Church (with "a Christian Reformed Ministry" in tiny letters underneath). Or maybe, Riverside Church if it happens to be next to a river. This is a great tactic for tricking white Christians into thinking that they are visiting a non-denominational church.