Saturday, October 24, 2009

#49 Driving Home From Church

With the possible exception of a get-away car for a bank job, there's nothing quite like driving home from church.

While many white Christians enjoy lingering at church long after the service for post-worship refreshments and fellowship, there is a faction of white Christians in every church that begins inching toward the exits during the benediction.

Having logged their hour of faith-mandated worship for the week, white Christians can't wait to get back home. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, and the white Christian has now been away from home for over an hour. White Christians love to anticipate what lies ahead for them: some combination of Sunday Dinner, sports watching, and a Sunday Afternoon Nap await. There might even be some sort of cheese/cracker platter presented during the first half of the football game even though the white Christian just inhaled 3 cookies, 2 crackers and some ridiculously sweet lemonade at post-worship refreshments on the way out of church. To the white Christian that enjoys peeling out of the church parking lot, these treats are consumed in the same way that a marathon runner consumes water.

The drive home used to be even sweeter for white Christians in the days of formal church attire. In the formal era (BCE or "Before Casual Era"), upon getting home from church, white Christians would literally sprint upstairs, rip off their once-a-week "Sunday Best," and jettison the clothes into the hamper. This completed the transition from Sunday Best to Sunday Rest. Despite the fact that white Christians are currently in the Casual Era, they still experience phantom joy sensations from church-clothing removal.


SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

7 comments:

Luther Zwingli said...

Author's note to the reader: this post is about as confessional as I get. :)

ChuckEastNashville said...

In the Catholic church this is called dash and dine. After receiving Communion there is a mass exodus (puns intended) for those who can't read: won't) stick around those last five minutes before dismissal.

ChuckEastNashville said...

Error in previous post: should say dine and dash. My apologies.

sarah said...

The drive home from church also offers the white christian the perfect opportunity to complain about everything that was wrong with the service. The preacher talked for too long, the prayers were awful, the bible reader read too fast etc.

TaiPod said...

Those of us in the reformed tradition, after having heard sermons on the T.U.L.I.P. are happy to begin enjoying the S.- Sunday naps.

Anonymous said...

This website is stupid. Try and mix in some humor. Im not religious either.

Sara E. James said...

I'm greatly amused by the anonymous comment above mine. If they are serious, they make me sad. This was hysterically funny.