Saturday, October 17, 2009
From an early age, white Christians are taught that cursing is one of worst sins they can commit. This is probably because an 8 year old is not very likely to murder, commit adultery or get a job that requires him to work on Sunday. However, life's misfortunes still require verbal outbursts, so white Christians have amassed dozens of swearword substitutes that are far more Christ-like.
If normal curse words are somewhat nonsensical, the white Christian's swear word substitutes make even less sense because they are loosely based on the real deal. In addition, they are often made up on the spot by white Christian parents desperately trying not to curse in front of their children. After hitting his thumb with a hammer, a white Christian father can't stop the beginnings of some naughty words from escaping his lips, but he can pull an audible to protect young ears with a "God bless it" or a "son of a biscuit." What the progeny of a small, flat-baked bread product has to do with a purple finger nail is anyone's guess, but hokey toot, he just got out of a major freaking jam.
Many of the white Christian's surrogate swearwords are clearly preferred to the alternative, such as "frick," "fudge," and "what the fun." However, some do not seem to be much different from the real profanities. The only apparent difference between poop, crap, and another word is that the surrogate swears don't get your mouth washed out with soap.