Saturday, September 12, 2009

#43 Sabbath Observance... of Football

Everyone knows where white Christian men will be on a Sunday afternoons in the fall- on their couch watching football. 

But the 
man-law requiring the sabbath observance of football is much more specific than the simple "watching of the game" clause.  It further mandates that men will "always be accompanied by snacks, meat, and beer."  

Other mandatory compliance regulations for the 2009 NFL season include glorious HDTV and  smiles from all observing men.  Furthermore, a few of the men in attendance of a living room brew'n'view should be wearing football jerseys, and, perhaps most importantly, one of the men is required to hold a football at all times.  The men are permitted to playfully toss the football around the room, just as the
pre-game personalities pretend to do during pop-up promotions during the game.

Interestingly enough, football is the only sport where the observers of the sport hold a ball while watching. You'll never see a tennis fan holding a tennis ball during Wimbledon, or a golf fan clinging to a Titleist during The Masters.  This is because these sports are less interesting to watch- and therefore, less Christian.  There's a reason that football is the only sport played on Thanksgiving- it's the sport for which white Christians are
most thankful.

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Anonymous said...

Their aggresive primal instincts enjoy the game, the one they inherited from their APE ANCESTORS.

Luther Zwingli said...

Interesting take, anonymous.

My guess is that you've got a darwin fish eating a Jesus fish on your car?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous from the first post here. No, i dont have the old darwin fish emblem thingie on my car.

I like your blog it's very accurate and amusing. Although you specify upper middle class white christians and not all white christians.

Luther Zwingli said...

Thanks for the accuracy confirmation. Actually the specifically upper middle class white Christians that you allude to are definitely a reflection on the inspiration for this site: (see link in right-hand column).

Your statement confirms that we're doing our jobs.

Some Dude said...

Does that woman in the top picture have a football glued to her hand? How is she holding onto that?