Saturday, August 15, 2009

#39 The Drum-quarium

White Christian drummers really get into praise music. They interpret "praise the Lord with the clash of cymbal" to mean "hit those things so loud that you drown out all other instruments, voices, and internal thought processes within a 3 block radius." As a result, the sanctuary (or worship center) resonates with the resounding boom of the drum set, and there is no containing the sheer volume that the energized white Christian drummer generates.

This problem lead to an interesting evolution in white Christian
praise bands. At first, the solution was simple- white Christians proposed placing a rudimentary walled structure as a sound barrier between the drummer and all other life forms. This had the advantage of containing the previously uncontainable pounding of the drums, but the disadvantage of making the highly energized human rhythm section invisible to the congregation- a fate that few musicians are willing to endure.

Enter the Drum-quarium. Like the drum wall, the thunderous thumping of the terrible timpani is deflected heavenward. But unlike simple wall structures, the Drum-quarium is constructed with transparent materials- allowing the drummer to blast to his delight, not dominate the worship experience, and still be seen. Behind the fish-tank like Plexiglas the drummer can sit atop his drumming throne like a rhythmic
King Triton reigning over his sub-aquatic realm. He's now in the the perfect intersection of drum hit-ability, general hear-ability, and congregational visibility.

Of course, we suppose that churches could just ask their drummers to play a little softer... but we all know that's just not going to happen.

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