Saturday, May 30, 2009

#28 Getting Married Right Out of College

Normal people usually get married in their late twenties, but white Christians prefer to marry during the summer after college graduation, if not the previous summer. Most people would panic at the idea of being tied down at the age of 22, but white Christians are terrified by the prospect of not at least being engaged by the spring of their senior year.

White Christians know that their best chance of landing a spouse with whom they would be equally yoked is during their years at their Christian liberal arts college. They are well aware of the slim pickings waiting for them at church back home, and white Christians have no idea how to meet people outside of their church/Christian high school/Christian college bubble.

White Christian parents have paid dearly for sending their white Christian son or daughter to a Christian liberal arts college. These parents may be slightly disappointed when, despite graduating with a religion, psychology, or communications degree, Junior is working in a career completely unrelated to their studies shortly after graduation. However, as long as he/she meets their spouse (and this spouse is of the same denomination) at this institution, they consider the small fortune money well spent.

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17 comments:

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

Right on. Every girl at our Christian college was there to earn her M.R.S. degree. It took me transferring to a secular state school to meet and marry a Christian girl who wasn't completely boring!

Luther Zwingli said...

Yeah, matt! I was hoping that somebody'd remember the M.R.S. degree... though for the sake of a happy wife and happy life, I'll simply add that not ALL Christian girls at Christian colleges are boring.

anna said...

Hey underachieving guys: the senior girls tend to "settle" as time goes on. If you want to ask out that girl who is way out of your league, wait until second semester panic sets in and your chances will increase exponentially.

Abraham Calvin said...

Wow, Matt. You were able to rip all the women of Calvin, Hope, Trinity, Dordt, etc. in one fell swoop. I can vouch for the fact that at least not all Calvin College girls are boring.

Anna - great tip! Also, at this point, you don't even have to propose, you could instead offer a pearl or promise ring to one of these desperate women - which will keep away other suitors, but at a much cheaper price.

Anonymous said...

My sister just showed me this blog yesterday and was cracking up reading it to me. At first, I thought I should be offended, but now that I realize you're speaking of yourselves, I'm cracking up too!

One point to make, I graduated on Sunday and got married the following Saturday. BUT, I met my husband at a secular, public school, we're from different denominations, and he never went to college. We've been married 13 years and don't plan on any kids. Does that really mean we'r enot truly white christians?

Luther Zwingli said...

Anonymous,

First of all, I'm glad that your family has stumbled upon our blog- we hope that you'll keep coming back every Saturday night at 11:59.

Secondly- congratulations on making the transition from "not sure if you should be offended" to laughing. This seems to be a difficult hurdle for many of our readers. You must be an expert-level white Christian.

Finally- not ALL posts have to apply EXACTLY to all white Christians. We're a wide-reaching, diverse group. If some, most, or all of this blog applies to your life, and if any of it can make you laugh, we've done our job.

All the best,

kake79 said...

I'm the sister. I stumbled on your site yesterday. I have now read every entry on your blog and have been cracking up. My favorite "OMG! That's me!" moment was the Sunday Afternoon Nap with an afghan knit by my grandmother, which is the entry I shared with my sister over the phone. Keep up the good work.

Abraham Calvin said...

While true white Christians will like most of the things on this blog, it is permissible to miss a few here and there. For example, I got married a month after graduating from the Christian liberal arts college where my parents met AND where my wife's parents met. I very much enjoy it when pastors break down scripture into the original Hebrew or Greek. However, I don't care for Sunday afternoon naps.

Luther Zwingli said...

Kake, nice to meet you- thanks for spreading the word to your family. Hope to see you back.

Like you, I love my afghan... and mine was also knitted by my grandma. Small, white Christian world.

nikki said...

This is hilarious! I went to a large public university, but was in a Christian sorority. We had "engagement circles" every week (a candlelight ceremony, of course), and half my sisters had their weddings in June, immediately after graduation!

jennifer said...

I married at twenty (darling hubster was 21) and quit college (M.R.S. degree earned with full honors). He DID finish his education while I worked. Looks like we almost did it the right way.

ChuckEastNashville said...

In college timing is everything. Incoming female freshmen often wear high school boyfriend's ring the moment they land on campus in the fall. While she attends Christian liberal arts school boyfriend is attending state university, is working, or joined armed forces.

Men are advised to avoid these women until after fall break or Thanksgiving break. After her first trip back home, that class ring or commitment has since faded. Perhaps her boyfriend was caught sleeping around, or blame pressures of long distance relationships, or she is getting attention from young men on campus. Regardless of reason, men should wait until December to set foundation for a springtime relationship.

Fast forward to final semester. Panic creeps its way into a man's and woman's psyche. This is last chance before real world takes over. Got to get a wife, got to get a husband, and then you have the brilliant comclusion known as this blog's "Getting Married Right Out of College".

rascalkc said...

I remember my mom actually saying, as I deliberated over college choices, "I want you to go to a Christian college because chances are you'll marry someone from there." Sure enough - met him freshman year, married right before junior year! We were the first of our wave, but by graduation a huge number were engaged!! And yes, we had the candlelight ceremonies!!
I actually wrote a paper on this once, for a class with a visiting professor from a state school. She said this phenomena was definitely confined to the small Christian colleges.

Zardeenah said...

Just remember, side hugs only until marriage!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw

Anonymous said...

Can we say "The 80/20 Rule" at Hope College???

80% of Hope College students will meet their spouse there.

So, what happens when you get your M.R.S. Degree with Honors, but are divorced a few years later?

*For the record, we married at 20/21.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I wish someone had explained this phenomenon to me before I entered Bible college. I should have dated around before I married at age 20. Stupid mistake. I have wasted my life with someone who looked good on paper but is not the Godly man he made himself out to be. He was, and is, living in his father's shadow and I'm stuck with him.

Anonymous said...

Zardeena, had to laugh at the side hug thing!
Both my siblings married young (as in 20 and 24) and things are great. It's funny though (and not in a ha ha way) that if you don't follow that pattern (as in being single) you can find yourself being "volunteered" for various jobs or ministries. Especially if you are a female. Grr.... Still, that's better than having people assume you are sad/lonely/not-praying-hard-enough (or being disobedient - yes, its happened to me!) because you don't have a ring on that finger.