Saturday, May 9, 2009

#25 Retreats

Whether they be of the summer, youth, ski, marriage, or winter variety, the fact is, all white Christians love retreats.

It should be no surprise that white Christians like retreats- they combine the outdoors (known to white Christians as "creation"), "getting away from it all," and the opportunity to dabble in different worship experiences (prayer vigils, raising hands, publicly crying, etc.) that would never be attempted in regular white Christian society.

White Christians are much more emotionally open when they retreat. If you're on a horseback ride through the woods in the middle of nowhere with a white Christian, expect this white Christian to open up like a flower. He might tell you about his secret sin struggles, his devotional life, or even marital secrets. All of this would be strictly forbidden within a regular church setting, but when you're on retreat in the middle of creation, this is standard protocol. It's best to have your own confessions prepared ahead of time so that you're not left out of the sharing.

Once upon a time (
that whole crusades thing) white Christians preferred to be on the attack. But this was the worst chapter in the storied history of white Christians. Now every white Christian does his or her best to reverse the trends of the past. What better way to reverse an attack than to go on a retreat?

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Abraham Calvin said...

This made me think of Josh's guest post on the Facebook group page. He notes that white Christians tend to hold these retreats at camps that could double as the setting for a horror movie.

Joshua said...

We really do love all kinds of retreats. Especially the big ones where the featured speakers are another thing that white Christians love: famous Christians. Former professional athletes is good, semi-famous actors is pretty good.. But for my money you can't beat a former rocker from a hair band with a wild past who has turned their life around.

Anonymous said...

whys this all aimed at white christians? black christians have the retreats, the lingo, the gossip the copy cat radio stations too - i think the racial divide is only there when it comes to roast dinners and blankets!

Micah B said...

It might be a little late for this since march has passed, but you should have done a bracket for our favorite posts. None of my favorites were on the list.

Retreats are also a place for white Christians to get in touch with the Spirit.

Luther Zwingli said...

Micah- this is a great idea.

We don't have to wait until march... here's my pledge: we'll create a "tournament of likes" when we get to post 32. Abraham and I will seed all 32 teams, and you (and all other SWCL readers) will vote on what you like better. Imagine Casual Worship Attire vs. Sunday Afternoon Dinner... Potlucks vs. Diversity. There could really be some epic battles.

We'll be asking for SWCL fan suggestions during the seeding process. Any readers out there have any suggestions for the 1, 2, or 3 seeds?

Luther Zwingli said...

Anonymous: the authors of this blog are big fans of "Stuff White People," and are both white Christians. It has been said "write what you know." This blog is what we know.

We're not trying to exclude other races (or even religions). This blog represents our observations of our lifestyles... hopefully in a humorous way each week.

Abraham Calvin said...

Anonymous - what about one hour church services and casual church attire? Black Christians wouldn't be caught dead at church dressed in the casual attire of the average white Christian - their Sunday best does not include torn jeans, sandals, and a polo.

Yeah Right Radio said...

There is also the strong inclination of Christians to try to convince their non-Christian friends to join them on their retreat to "creation."

ChuckEastNashville said...

A retreat that leads to one camper or attendee talking in tongues has thus reached perfection. This type retreat cannot be improved.