Saturday, April 25, 2009

#23 Christian Radio Stations

White Christians like to have their own, Christian versions of as many things as possible, including radio stations. Secular radio stations typically offer music from a specific genre: country, alternative rock, pop, etc. Christian radio stations are no different. They play "Christian music", which is limited to a rotation of up to 5 songs by Michael W. Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, the Newsboys, Chris Tomlin and Third Day. Occasionally, an additional artist is allowed a song in the rotation, provided this song sounds just like something from the aforementioned artists or a secular band that was popular five years ago.

Songs with children's voice-overs are the only other exceptions concerning the rotation of songs on Christian radio stations. These songs will feature either a child dramatically reading a bible verse, or have a child sing something like, "Oh be careful little eyes what you seeeeeeee" in the middle of a pop christian song.

K-LOVE dominates the Christian radio universe thanks white Christians' dislike of commercials and their deceptive "Positive, Encouraging" campaign to lure in non-Christians scanning the dial. White Christians typically find themselves in one of two camps: those who listen to nothing but K-LOVE and those who have K-LOVE on their 6th preset - for use when presets 1-5 are on commercial or on the way to church on Sunday morning.

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Andrew said...

Sounds like Abraham has been listening to a lot of K-Love

Abraham Calvin said...

I do listen to a lot of K-Love! I am a white Christian, am I not?

I do have to thank Aubrey for contributing a couple ideas for this post.

Luther Zwingli said...

The question is, Abraham, what preset number is K-Love on your dial?

Abraham Calvin said...

I'll be honest, it's on #6. But don't worry, K-Love is definitely playing on the way to church on Sunday.

Luther Zwingli said...

I'm not going to judge you, Abraham. Let's keep this blog positive and encouraging.

Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

Ironically enough, I've listened to Kanye West on the way to church.

Luther Zwingli said...

How could you be so heartless?

Aubrey said...

It's only because KLove is the only thing playing in my parent's house 24-7.

It never stops. It just never stops. In the car, in the house, by the pool, in the bathroom and on and on and on...

rod said...

Christian radio button also serves as a way to avoid triggering mutually assured destruction. You don't really listen to Christian radio unless you are transporting other Christians. You both secretly loathe Christian radio but are too afraid to say anything to the other for fear of appearing less spiritual.

Thankfully the Christian radio lineup hasn't changed in well over 10 years so you still know all the songs and can name drop the song title and artist to show that you are listening.

You get extra points of the Christian radio station is your first preset because God is number one.

You get more extra points if before you turn off your car you always set it to the Christian radio station so that you won't forget or just in case you have another christian in your car.

thepm said...

here in the UK we don't get a lot of Christian radio, it's mainly internet based and has a wide range of songs, but from time to time i listen to USA stations because i can get them through my psp, and i have to say i agree with the repetition of the same few songs on them, they don't seem to be able to invest in new CDs, which is odd as they constantly are appealing for money through Sharathons (an alien concept to UK radio)

Luther Zwingli said...


thanks for dropping a line- I believe that you're the first documented UK post. We track our readership, and we've been gaining some ground in Australia and the UK... so keep spreading the word!

Glad that these posts ring true even across the pond.


ChuckEastNashville said...

Allow me to go old schoo. After college I worked at a radio station. Sunday morning programming was dedicated to OLD time country, barber shop quartet style gospel singing. After a while they all songs and groups blended together. Nothing like some Sunday morning "God Squad" gospel music to induce that afternoon nap.

Christine said...

#1 YOUR blog title is HILARIOUS
#2 found your blog through googleing klove images
#3 i really RELLY like your blog- even if i am not white
#4 I am your NEWEST FOLOWER! ^_^
#5 you should check out my blog and follow me back!
#6- I used this image on my blog - on the side- it is Klove's, right?

god bless always

p.s. klove is awesomeeeeeeeee