Saturday, April 11, 2009

#21 Christian Email Signatures

White Christians are often just a step behind the rest of society when it comes to culture and technology. This is not surprising considering the hours they spend in church and on retreats while the rest of the country is watching television. However, since white Christians discovered the internet (about 4 years ago), they have wasted no time claiming email for the kingdom.

Regardless of whether the email in question is spiritual in nature or simply passing on a hilarious (secular, but not dirty) forward, white Christians always use Christian verbiage to close the email. Instead of the typical ways of ending the email with "later" or "regards", white Christians will instead use "In Christ", "God's Peace" or "His Servant".

Expert-level white Christians will of course take this up a notch. While "Shalom" is an acceptable email closing for these white Christians, when two expert-level white Christians email each other, they will begin competing to sign off with the most Christian signature. Soon these white Christians are ending emails with phrases like "Nestled deep within the crevasses of His omnipotent grip" and "Mounting up with wings like eagles in service of the One who is and is to come."

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Luther Zwingli said...

Any of our readers have any e-mail signatures they'd like to share?

anna said...

Funny, because today I actually got a letter from my college that closed with "Secured Tightly in His Grip"

Rev. Jeremy Smith said...

My favorite email tagline is "In His grip" which is remarkable in that it commits two theological errors in three words: (1) refers to God as male, and (2) removes human freedom by being in the "grip" of God.

I often use it as an email signature to elicit guffaws from others.

Meecy said...

Question. Will there be a black heaven and a white heaven?

john said...

That's pretty funny.

Rev. Smith:
Unfortunately, the Bible makes both of those theological errors numerous times.

J Dude said...

Uh, what?

It's not a theological error.

If you choose to have a theological DIFFERENCE, then that's you.

But being in the Bible, and being a mainstay of the theology in discussion, it is a fallacy to call that a theological error. It IS the theology. A part of it, anyhow. Therefore, it cannot be a theological error.

So that doesn't make a lot of sense, what you said.

You believing that God is a woman (or what have you), has no effect on whether the Bible is right, wrong, or anything; any more than my believing you are in fact a flamingo makes you any more or less NOT a flamingo.

If the Bible says God is male, then the God of the Bible is male.

PS- fwiw, I'm not trying for anyone to win or lose some internet game here. I'm just saying :)

Anonymous said...

Rev. Jeremy,

God is referenced as our Father in the Bible.

Fathers, as I have alway seen them, are usually male.

"his" seems right to me.

Perhaps "grip" is meaning that once we set our hearts to follow God, no one can snatch us out of his hand :)

Anonymous said...

I think it's sad that you don't have anything better to do than knock a group of people based on their race, and their faith. Racism and spiritual bigotry are equally destructive. - Saved by grace, DH

Anonymous said...

Oh, and to the reader who posted that God is male. Wake up, God is neither male, nor female. In my opinion, he is referred to so often as our heavenly "Father" is that he knew that Fathering would be overwhelmingly lacking in our world.

-Saved by grace

Abraham Calvin said...

DH, we're not mocking anyone. We are white, we are Christians. There are things in this little culture of ours that are worth poking fun of. Sorry you weren't amused, but I fail to see how this blog is bigoted in any way.

Anonymous said...

For the record God is referred to as both male and female throughout the Bible. I don't think it would be a stretch to say that God transcends gender, even if the human invention of language is unable to express this in a meaningful way.

Bruxx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

??? God is never referred to as female at any point in the Bible... I'd love to see anyone point out the Hebrew, Aramaic, or Greek where God is feminine. There might be some wacky translations out there that decide to refer to God as a woman, but that's not what the original language actually says. The burden of proof is on those claiming that God is a woman. Furthermore, why on earth does this blog ostracize everyone but white Christians? Why not just "Stuff Christians Like"? I'm white myself, but see no logical reason to make a distinction between White Christians and Christians that aren't.

Anonymous said...

Jeremy, one day you will stand before God and you are going to be OH so surprised at how misinformed and deceived you've been.

Paul said...

I received one about panting deers, I thought it was some cool new slang. I was very disappointed when I found out it was a passage from the holy babble.

Evelyn said...

My understanding of the matter is that God the Father is male, Jesus is male, the Holy Spirit has no gender and the Trinity as a whole is gender neutral.

It depends on what you mean by God - whether you're speaking about one individual element of God or all the elements together.