Saturday, April 4, 2009

#20 Sunday Afternoon Naps

If it's true that white Christians like Sunday dinner, then it only stands to reason that white Christians like Sunday dinner's friendly neighbor: the Sunday afternoon nap.

While many people only truly experience the food-induced sleep-coma around Thanksgiving, White Christians enjoy this experience on a weekly basis. Nothing stimulates the white Christian's sleep-ogens like the starches, complex carbohydrates, and
tryptophan of the stereotypical white Christian Sunday dinner.

After the sleep-ogens have been fully induced (this metabolic process typically occurs simultaneously with the post-meal devotions) the white Christian stumbles to the couch or the nearest padded horizontal surface like a bear that has been recently shot by a tranquilizer dart. The sedative is all the more effective when combined with two crucial nap catalysts: a moderately entertaining (but not exciting... remember, we're going for sleep here, not entertainment) sporting event on TV (such as a non-Tiger golf tournament), and an afghan.

Every white Christian enjoys napping under a gloriously warm afghan that their great aunt (or other elderly relative) knitted for them. The afghan is one of few white Christian staples that has stood the test of time. White Christians can't seem to agree on worship styles, doctrine, or denominations, but they've stayed true to the afghan for centuries. White Christians like to look to afghan for inspiration: all different colors and patterns have been woven together to serve a common, glorious purpose... it truly is a blanket of unity.

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14 comments:

anna said...

I love the term "afghan"

Luther Zwingli said...

So do the members of the country of origin: afghanistan. The afghan sales are only rivaled by the country's opium trade.

Anonymous said...

I am SUCH a white Christian. The Sunday afternoon nap is key.

Luther Zwingli said...

Anonymous- glad you are proud of who you are- the nap is a crucial part of our shared heritage. Shall we assume that you also enjoy Sunday Dinner?

Andrew said...

The Sunday afternoon nap probably explains why many white christians shy away from having friends over for the traditional sunday dinner. This allows them to avoid the awkward situation of falling asleep in someone else's living room in the middle of a groupd of people engaged in friendly conversation. The only thing worse than snoring in front of your friends, is watching one of your friends drool on your sledom-used living room furniture.

Luther Zwingli said...

Andrew- your comments rule. "Seldom-used furniture" had me laughing out loud (or "lol-ing") as the kids today are texting it.

Is there anything more ornimental object in the white Christian's life than living room furniture? It's used like 3 times/year. Sitting on this furniture is the siren song for white Christian children... though they are strongly tempted, they'd be wise to stay away... or face dire consequences.

Anonymous said...

This blog is ridiculous it sounds like these post are from jealous racist. These are all just murmurings and do not glorify God in anyway. Also they sound judgmental and are stereo typing white people. I believe you all need to read Romans 14:10. If you have a tattoo with it on your arm look it up and memorize it.

Abraham Calvin said...

Sounds like "Anonymous" missed his nap.

anna said...

I think he also missed his 9th grade grammar class that covered subject-verb agreement.

Luther Zwingli said...

A few thoughts: First of all, Abraham and Anna... you need to really rethink your judgements. Who said Annonymous is male?

Secondly, I applaud Annonymous. He/She was simply celebrating the time honored tradition of condemning fellow Christians (by judging them and finding them lacking) and then promptly telling them not to judge.

It's a way for some Christians to have their delicious judgement cake and eat it too. Go ahead and read Romans 14:10 and tell me there's not irony in quoting this verse (judging us), and then telling SWCL not to "judge."

Finally, Annonymous, I would simply ask that you read the disclaimer... we're white Christians too. There's a difference between self-depracating humor and judgment.

jennifer said...

Christ's Church resting under the blanket of unity. Praise God!

I actually use a quilt that my grandmother made to take my after church naps. The afgan is too scratchy so it is folded up in my hope chest :)

"Nestled deep within the crevasses of His omnipotent grip",

Jen

Luther Zwingli said...

Ahh yes. The quilt- the Afghan substitute. There's no shame in admitting that you keep your afghan in a hope chest, Jen. This is merely symbolic of the hope that the afghan truly represents... a hope that one day it won't be too scratchy.

Welcome aboard! Hope to see you back again.

Norse, Jesica, and Boden said...

I suspect that many of us take the Sunday afternoon nap because our brains were already asleep after 1-2 hours in uncomfortable church chairs in a warm sanctuary that morning. Don't tell my pastor I said that :)

Anonymous said...

Oh the afghan!Love it! My family doesn't use the afghan, but it does stay in the living room closet. It does give me the warm fuzzies though by reminding me of my childhood at Grandma's!

and it's not church if we don't have Sunday lunch! haha. Even more rare is the occasion that I don't have my Sunday afternoon nap!

Some of these posts make me laugh and smile, but some make me defensive. I know this defensiveness comes because of my own motives when I am guilty of some of these.

Just something to think about...

~Jess