Saturday, March 21, 2009

#18 Sunday Dinner

Sunday Dinner is an extremely important part of the sabbath experience to white Christians. As mentioned earlier, there are few things that a pastor can do to have the congregation turn on him like preaching too long. During the sermon, white Christians are trying to pay attention, but every one of these white Christians has a roast in the oven at that very moment!

"Surely he's got to be done, right?!" thinks the anxious, hungry white Christian. "I mean, this isn't exactly a three point sermon, but the tone of his voice is starting to slow and the timber is getting lower- that's got to count for something. I mean, come on! Bring on the benediction!"

Even though the white Christian wants to know how much time should be left in the one hour service, he dares not glance back at the clock- then other white Christians will know that he's anxious to leave church.

It's very difficult for white Christians to focus on the bread of scripture when the meat of the Sabbath is simultaneously being slow-cooked to a tender, marbleized perfection. If the pastor goes over by even just a little, he'll be ruining the delicate time balance that is required for the succulent, juicy delicious sabbath culmination: the Sunday roast.

While modern culture has come to accept the trilogy of "breakfast, lunch, and dinner," with "dinner" place-holding for "supper," white Christians have a variance that allows for a different classification of dinner. Among other several important doctrinal decisions, the
First Council of Nicaea declared in article 38, paragraph 14 of the Nicene Creed that, "In accordance with sabbath observance, all white Christians shall, in perpetuity throughout the universe, proclaim the central- and therefore most important- meal of the Sabbath as "Dinner" and not "Lunch" as heretofore mentioned within certain pagan circles."

While Sunday Dinner is a huge meal, white Christians prefer to keep Sunday Supper light. Typically, grilled cheese, chips, and pickles will do.

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Andrew said...

there is nothing quite like the obligatory, sleep-inducing, carbohydrate-heavy sunday dinner of pot roast, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, and some vegetable (usually corn or green beans). This meal helps all white christians fulfill the requirement that the Sabbath be a day of rest.

Luther Zwingli said...

Well said, Andrew. In fact, the Sabbath day of rest- or more specifically, the Sunday Afternoon Nap- will soon be addressed on this blog.

Ahhh, the meal and the nap. Truely Sabbath bliss for the white Christian.

suz said...

Even this preacher in the pulpit succombs to the sweet enticement of meat and potatoes. Perhaps that's also because this preacher makes the meat and potatoes?

Luther Zwingli said...

Very interesting, suz! That brings an interesting twist to the sermon length/roast cook time dilemma: has there ever been a documented case of a pastor cutting the sermon short so that they could be cutting the roast sooner?

ChuckEastNashville said...

At my Catholic parish in Nashville, priest will finish Saturday evening Vigil Mass way under an hour if he must also celebrate Mass for visiting and home pro football teams.

When pro football team is playing, early Sunday Mass is quick. Late morning (11:00 Mass) can be safely assumed parishioners will not be attending the game.

Communion line is usually the make-or-break factor in hour long Mass. A Catholic baptism removes Nicene Creed from mass, since those are affirmed in baptism rite. However a baptism at Mass seldome gets us under sixty minutes.

Library Lady said...

"It's very difficult for white Christians to focus on the bread of scripture when the meat of the Sabbath is simultaneously being slow-cooked to a tender, marbleized perfection."

A.Maz.Ing. how you come up with this stuff. I am at work (in the Library) laughing my cheeks sore, while my patrons are wondering what the heck 'sup with the Library Lady.