Saturday, January 31, 2009

#11 Church Super Bowl Parties

For nearly two millennia, white Christians have placed their commitment to church above sporting events. When Super Bowl Sunday rolled around, they would dutifully attend the evening service and then race home in time to watch the fourth quarter. In the last few years, clever white Christians have found a way to escape night church in order to watch the Super Bowl. 

With the advent of Super Bowl parties held at church, white Christians can now watch the whole game guilt-free. Ingeniously, the Super Bowl is now an evangelism opportunity, thanks to a video that is popped in during halftime featuring the testimonies of Christian NFL players. 

Fortunately Unfortunately, church Super Bowl parties marked the beginning of the end for evening services. Although it is just one night of the year, the church-sponsored Super Bowl party revealed the long held secret that night church is not a salvation issue. Now, Super Bowl Sunday is the only time white Christians attend church at night. 


9 comments:

Ben said...

This also makes for easy planning for small group meetings on this national holiday.

Andrew said...

Abraham, the NFL has restricted the right to use the words "Super Bowl" even in conjunction with church outreach events. Accordingly, the words "Super Bowl" should be replaced in this post with the words "Big Game."

Abraham Calvin said...

Andrew, I think I'm going to keep the post's title as is. If Roger Goodell comes after me, I'll retain you as counsel - the Michigan bar exam will have to wait.

Luther Zwingli said...

With such a strong tradition of discipline, I'm guessing that Goodell is a white Christian... and as a white Christian, he must support this blog and all of the content.

marcusaurelius said...

I've noted how the Super Bowl champs (whoever they may be) often like to loudly thank the Man upstairs for their victory. "Thank you Jeeeesus!!"

Abraham Calvin said...

A poll in the most recent ESPN magazine says that only 15% of sports fans believe that God affects the outcome of sporting events. Apparently 100% of (winning) athletes disagree.

This reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer bowls a perfect game:

"Thank you! Thank you! But there was someone else with me on that alley. I'm talking about the big man!.... Carl!"

Anonymous said...

I made the mistake of attending one --- once!

Church Super Bowl parties are probably the suckiest of all! If that's the best party you get invited to, you truly have one lame-assed social life.

No booze, no cussing, you have to pretend to ignore the cheerleaders, and some of the blandest party food available. Yep, we're having a time now.

Jeremy said...

I never got to see a halftime show until we stopped going to church.

Anonymous said...

Why is it just white christians? that is racist to think it is only white people. i am white, but God doesnt see the color of our skin just or actions.