Saturday, November 29, 2008

#2 Casual Church Attire

There's no doubt about it - white Christians love casual church attire. White Christians used to enjoy dressing up in formal attire for church, but now casual attire is all the rave. "Sunday Best," is now defined as something between what you'd wear to paint your house and what you'd wear on a date.

Many white Christians dress in formal business clothes during the week, so to make church a different, comfortable
experience, it's time for khaki pants, a tight, untucked short-sleeve shirt, and sandals. Jeans and polo shirts are also fine, provided that the shirt is tucked into the jeans, the white Christian within the jeans is wearing a belt, and there is a silenced cell-phone encased in a belt-clip, but visible to all.

To the white Christian, "casual" can range from "business casual" to "roll out of bed" casual. White Christians like to focus on the "come as you are" attitude of worship, so one-day stubble for men is acceptable, even encouraged. If the weather gets warm enough, you may even see some full-grown white Christian men wearing shorts to church. This is a rare occurrence, but it has been known to happen.

Not all white Christians like the casual attire movement, but those who prefer more formal attire are wise to keep any criticism to themselves. If you prefer formal attire and you see a white Christian with sandals, do not confront this white Christian. You will get the inevitable response: "Jesus wore sandals - if it was good enough for him, it's good enough for me!"

When white Christians wear sandals to church, the presence of easily removable footwear also increases the likelihood of a foot-washing discipleship ceremony as part of the worship service; something that every white Christian loves.

While most white Christians have embraced casual attire, there's one person that's not allowed to dress casually - the pastor. That guy had better be in a suit.

#1 Greeters

Greeters are critically important members of any white Christian church. Greeters communicate to visitors that their church is welcoming and friendly by mastering the proper technique: smiling, saying "good morning" and using their hand shake to literally pull you through the door. Pulling the hand forward is necessary to prevent both visitors and members from stopping to talk with the greeter. This is strictly forbidden.

You might think that sound doctrine is the primary factor in church selection for white Christians, but you would be wrong. Friendliness is actually more important than every other variable combined, necessitating scores of greeters.

White Christians have discovered that they can double or even triple the friendliness of their church by merely adding a second or third greeter at each entrance. The most successful white churches have been known to maximize their friendliness by having the entire congregation form a greeting line stretching from the parking lot to the narthex.